Lainy's Musings: Stages in a Love Relationship (Part 1)

Reflecting on a Four-Year Relationship (Since 21st November 2004)

Baby Noela believes Lainy and I are very good friends and she is very satisfied and happy with that. She looks upon her not only as a friend, but also as an elder sister. She likes listening when I talk about her. From the lot that she has learned about her, from me, she takes her to be the ideal person she can use as reference when she gets stuck. One day, she asked me for advice and when I didn’t know what to tell her, she insisted “what do you think Lainy could have done if she found herself in my situation”?

Eh, by the way. If you haven’t figured it out yet, this is Uncle Che of AZ Blogging. I was thinking of snatching Lainy’s blog today and wondered what reason I can give her, since it was supposed to be a surprise announcement and I really didn’t want to trick her. Thank God she asked if I could sometime appear here as a guest blogger, so I snatched the timely opportunity.

The good news is, Today (21st Nov 2008) makes four years of unconditional love between my fiancée (Noela) and I. Oh my God, it is our anniversary! I would like to tell all my friends and fellow bloggers how this relationship started, how it is going through all the phases of love, and what we plan for the future.

Baby Noela (Neba Noela Buwah) and I (Ferdinand Che) knew each other a very long time ago, since secondary school. I was a very good friend to her elder sister (Edith) but really didn’t get quite close to Noela herself until 29^th December 2002, her birthday. We remained close and sincere friends to each other for almost a year, and throughout that period, I was in love but never realized it. Oh, maybe I did, but never wanted to believe it. Although I was once in a relationship, the whole stuff was strange to me since I never really understood what love is. As a matter of fact, I was seduced by someone and I reluctantly fell for it, but with Noela, our love just built up gradually and I never discovered it until it was ripe.

On November 20th, 2004, something strange happened, that turned the relationship from friendship to a romantic one, and later on…. Oh, maybe I am too fast, ha ha ha , slowing down a bit...

After spending the evening with Noela and giving her a goodbye hug as usual when I was about to go, I realized the hug lasted for more than it usually did. Instead of the usual quick hug that lasts just a second with my hands holding just her shoulders, I realized this hug lasted about 5 seconds with my right hand almost circling her round her back and the left round her waist. After the hug, I stared at her, straight in the eyes for almost 5 seconds again but didn’t say a word. Normally, I would allow her see me off at the gate, before I say “bye bye, see you tomorrow” but this day, things were different. I felt like finding the gate on my own and she must have been so surprised and was wondering why.

Smart girl, now, she realized there was a problem. As I walked towards the gate, she followed me behind and asked me to wait for her. When I stopped, she turned round, stood in front of me. While holding my hands, she smiled and asked me to stay a little longer if I wasn’t ready to leave yet. Staying a little longer wasn’t a problem. For the past 10 months and a few days, I spent the night in her room 2 or 3 times a month, and slept on her bed after telling each other stories and watching a romance or horror movie. Oh, I can guess what you are thinking now. Kill the thoughts, please. Nothing happened. We were just friends and we respected our status that way.

This particular day, however, the emotional atmosphere surrounding us was so tensed that I was scared if I spent the night at her place, I might have been tempted to think about, say or do things I never did before. I went in, with the intention of spending just an hour, since it was already 10pm. The noisy Uncle Che suddenly went dump, and the very inquisitive Noela, who normally would ask questions almost every minute, never asked any. I was lost. While sitting there with her, I seemed teleported to a distant ideal world where everyone just looked up to the sky, made a wish and it was granted. She asked many questions, that I never heard, but the last one was very loud and commanding, “what are you thinking about”, and instantly, without a second thought, I replied “I will tell you tomorrow”.

I made an excuse it was late and I wanted to leave, but she protested, saying she feels something is wrong and she can’t let me go in that mood. OK, now, I pretended all was normal. I put on my usual look and expression and smiled broadly at her. She insisted she would be happy if I stayed and spent the night at her place. What would you do if you were in my shoes? This is a friend I can’t afford to disappoint, so I decided to stay. That night was a very “sad” one. We didn’t exchange jokes. We didn’t watch any movie. When she went to bed, instead of her turning her back on me while I wrapped my hands round her belly, we just slept on the opposite ends of the bed without any body contact.

The next day (November 21st, 2004), Noela asked me what it was I wanted to tell her. I intended telling her I love her, and I would love to spend the rest of my life with her, but this was tough. Believe me, I had never been in that position before, so I needed all the courrage the world could offer.

When I went to work that day, my mind was very unstable. I started regreting why I didn't tell her. I gave an excuse I wasn't feeling well and asked for permission to go home. Actually, I didn't go home, but straight to Noela's place. Telling her I love her was still a problem but somehow, I had to let her know. This might not be word for word, but simillar to what I said:

Noela, we've been very good friends and I have cherished every second we have spent together. This is turning into something I never bargained for. Though turning to what I love very much, I feel it is a betrayal of everything we stood for. I won't be coming too often, but feel free to call me and let me know whenever and how I can be of help. As you can see (pointing at the clock) I am supposed to be at the job site now. I just came to tell you this. Bye, see you later.

She didn't look surprised. All she did was put on a sad face, and said:

"I understand, but I wish you stay a little longer. Since when did love become a crime, or something to shy away from? I understand how you feel. Not saying anything doesn't mean I don't feel same. A man generally should make the first move. I have been waiting for your move for 3 months".

(to be continued on scottzprincess.com)