12 Different Types of Employees

Since the previous post "Can You Complain About Your Job?" has been talking about how a co-worker can affect an individual's day, I deemed it best to post this forwarded email from my pretty cousin Michelle a.k.a Mystique of As I Live, Laugh, And Love. This was actually forwarded to me in our own language, Filipino, but for everyone to understand, my English was put to a test by coming up with my own translations ;-)

In our superior's eyes, there are only a dozen type of employees. They are the following:

1. CLOWNS- They are the official comedians and comediennes in the office. They have such striking one-liners that would always keep the workplace light and keep the workers awake in broad day light. According to many of the bosses, they are those who lacks attention probably because they don't have the wit or more often than not, they are actually witty but lazy.
   
2. GEEKS - They don't care about the people around them. What they only care about are the papers, the boss, and computers. Even if the boss is in no the mood for some tete-a-tete, more so to talk about deadlines, the geeks are the ones who have the courage to approach the boss and try their luck changing the results of the entries and substitute the value of credit vs. debit.
3. HOLLOW MAN - There are two types of H.M. virus: Type A at Type B. Type A are the employees who are most often invisible at work, seat usually vacant, always absent. Type B are those who reports to work but the work output is actually invisible. They are those with hollow brains, if you know what I mean...
4. SPICE GIRLS- a group of girls who are fond of going out together but always report to work late. Arrgghh! They usually take a hold of their hairbrushes and songhits (songhits??? Is it still in? Hahaha!). If they are given tasks, they always group themselves together.
5. DA GWAPINGS - They are the male counterparts of the Spice Girls. They are born to make pa-cute. hehe! The group is composed of only 2-3 members so each one are being noticed for their cuteness, LOL! Like the Spice Girls, their brains are full of gels.
6. CELEBRITIES - Politicians, Athletes, Performers. Politicians are those who are more concerned with the company's status and its employees than performance. Athletes are those 'varsitarians' who are very athletic but moves too slow at work. Performers are employees who are coming to work just to sing and dance on stage during organizational day. Overall, the celebrity types are oozing with PR but they have low I.Q.
7. GUINNESS - They are record holders when it comes to persistence. They usually lack intelligence but they are very hardworking and most of the time they are those who gets very successful in life. Very organized at work, very quick but they always commit mistakes.
8. LEATHER GOODS - They are the employees who are determined to get what they want at all cost, by hook or by crook. They are anomalous who will try to get so close with the big boss and would always try to get their own way.
9. WEIRDOS - They are the problematic employees, the so-called "misunderstood". They are the black sheep of the office. They have only a few friends, usually in trouble with their co-workers, they have very low evaluation and the boss's enemy.
10. SONS AND DAUGHTERS OF RIZAL - They are the so-called Endangered Species. Straight 'A' employees but well-rounded. They are not geeks. Boss's pet but they don't work their way up by acting like a leech. They are always busy at work but they still find time for extra-curricular activities and gimmicks, ehem!
11. BOB ONGS - They are the serious ones but lacks the know how and they oftentimes look dumb.
12. COMMONERS - They are the generic member of the class. They lack individuality and characteristics that may leave marks in the minds of people around them. The boss won't notice them if they aren't around. As time would pass them by, they are those easily forgotten by their higher-ups and their co-workers!

There! I've completed the list, thank God! Where do you belong from among the twelve? I would like to ask my co-worker, Ate Vilma of The Maiden Testimony, what group do I belong? Speak up now, be honest, hehehe!